Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
