we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Randomize
