Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
