I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
