i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
