oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
