this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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