It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
