she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
