The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
