oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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