it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
