fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
