I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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