I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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