i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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