Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
