I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I didn't notice because vodka
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
