I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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