Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
