lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
