I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
