he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
