I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
