Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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