I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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