; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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