I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize