My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
