We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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