The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
