I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
