Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
