Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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