Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
