if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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