Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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