I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
well you can't waste a boner
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
