I hate your face
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
