It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
