it was like his penis was on wheels.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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