I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize