First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
