if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
