fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize