lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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