turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
