Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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