they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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