Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
