Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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