I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
