So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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