I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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