I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
