he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
