just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
