Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
