i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
