First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize