walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
