you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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