She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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