It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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