just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
