Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
