I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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