I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize