i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
